Apparently you make a good broom.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
