dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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