You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
