Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize