I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
