Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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