Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
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