I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
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