last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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