Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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