you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
