Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
