Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize