We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
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