? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Randomize