it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
