i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
