i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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