he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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