Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
