dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize