I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
