I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
