i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
