I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
