Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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