nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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