you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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