Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
