I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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