If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
