It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
