Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
