I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
