I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
