so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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