That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize