On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
