Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
