So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize