some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
