The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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