i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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