I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
