man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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