i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
