I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
