Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
