Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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