dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
