Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize