his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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