White coat. Heels.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
