i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
