Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Randomize
