tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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