dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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