I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
