so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
