when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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