He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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