I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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