I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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