Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
