I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
