she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
