he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
