life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
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