70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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