i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
