I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
